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Save the Animals

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Save the Animals

Post by Ragen on Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:46 pm

Ragen was walking around town and stop to look at the TV in the news channel building. "The down town west city pet center is putting down all of the animals that weren't wanted today" The new reported from the pet center. Muttering to himself Ragen said "that isn't right. Killing those poor animal. Every life is important" Knowing that he must save them Ragen raced to the center and landed on the roof of the one story building. He waited for the crowd to thin out before he made his move. After an about a hour Ragen pulled his sword out and cut a hole in the roof and stuck his head down to make sure it was safe. "Okay looks clear" Ragen thought to himself as he drop down. He cut a hole in the left wall since it was the only wall without any cages on it. He saw a clip board hangs on the wall. " Black flags on animals cages means are being held on to for a family. Blue means staying because workers love them. Red flags means animals that are to be put on" Ragen's eyes flared as he read the last line. he kept reading it over and over again but it didn't change. Not even the workers cared for these animals. The idea burnt his mind and filled him with anger. He read it again one more time and he saw a number next to the last sentence. " six animals are to be put down, all dogs." He scaned the room and sure enough there were six red flags across the room." ( I'll finsihed this later. im not feeling well


Last edited by Ragen on Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:45 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Save the Animals

Post by Cello on Thu Dec 09, 2010 3:15 pm

First of all this is very short for a whole quest, and I don't know how a saiyan can do an earth quest. Did you travel here first? It's not in the archives, or is this some rule I don't know about...
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Re: Save the Animals

Post by Cleric on Thu Dec 09, 2010 4:42 pm

You can choose which planet you start on.
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Re: Save the Animals

Post by Ragen on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:28 am

did i pass the quest or not -.-
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Re: Save the Animals

Post by Cello on Fri Dec 10, 2010 2:58 am

kk then, soz I cant approve...
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Re: Save the Animals

Post by Cleric on Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:45 am

You'll need to edit this before being approved. First off, your grammer is horrible. Second, so is your spelling. Your overall performance is really bad.

Capitalize the first letters of the first words of a sentence. Basic stuff.
Put commas before pauses. Basic stuff. This is needed to know when there are stops that don't need periods.
Don't use words like 'gonna.' Use going to, the full version. Slang should not be used in writing.

'and didnt has a lock'? That's improper. It's like this; "and it didn't have a lock." Has is for sentences like this; "He has my toy."

And another thing. This wont be accepted until you either make this longer (and fix what I've said), or more in depth. But either way, you'll need to write more.
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Re: Save the Animals

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